


she said kill me faster

by captainRochol



Series: gamrezi [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ambiguous Narrator, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Self-Hatred, Suicide, im sorry for the ending byeee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-02
Updated: 2013-08-02
Packaged: 2017-12-22 05:05:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainRochol/pseuds/captainRochol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're a shadow. </p><p>	You don't have a name anymore, you're not worthy of a name anymore; you're just a shadow, slinking through the meteor halls, hiding in the dark because if you're in the light, surely people would be able to see you. </p><p>	And if people saw you, especially if he, that candy-red boy of bottled up emotion saw you, your crimes would be out in the open, and then you'd surely have to hang. </p><p>	(You already want to hang, but you have stuff to do before then.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	she said kill me faster

You're a shadow. 

You don't have a name anymore, you're not _worthy_ of a name anymore; you're just a shadow, slinking through the meteor halls, hiding in the dark because if you're in the light, surely people would be able to see you. 

And if people saw you, especially if _he_ , that candy-red boy of bottled up emotion saw you, your crimes would be out in the open, and then you'd surely have to hang. 

(You already _want_ to hang, but you have stuff to do before then.)

You sit in the darkest, blackest corner of the meteor, a hood drawn over your lidded eyes as you sip slowly from a bottle. 

_He_ comes in, slow and lazy, and smirks when he sees you. You stand, your legs bare save for some boxers, and your bra lost somewhere in the horn pile. 

He walks right over to you, and grabs your throat, forcing you against the cold metal wall, lifting you slightly. You gasp breathlessly as your purple painted toes dangle, but you do absolutely nothing to stop him. He owns you, after all. 

He rips off your boxers, hastily pushing up your soda stained tee shirt, and roughly scratches a trail from the bottom of your breasts to where your bulge has come unsheathed. 

He hasn't even done much to you yet; it's more of a Pavlonian reaction than anything. 

He smirks at you, leans in close and asks if you like that, of course you do, slut!

You nod slightly, because even though it horrifies you to admit, you do like it; you love it, you hate it, you want it. 

He drops his own pants, his own thick indigo bulge unsheathing, and you hiss as his grasp around your throat tightens. Your face is turning dark with airloss, and it's only when darkness is spotting your vision the he releases you, then kicks you to the floor. 

You let out a cry as he kicks you in the ribs over and over, and you just take it. You don't retaliate. 

He shakes his head, tells you how pathetic you are, and you agree. 

He drags you by the hair to the hornpile and you let him have his way with you, crying out in painful pleasure as the horns under you squeak rythemically, and you know that everyone on the god damned meteor must be able to hear you. 

He beats you senseless as he fucks you hard, and you spit blood out every so often as to not choke on it. He eventually comes and doesn't give you a pail; he comes inside your nook, but you deserve to be used as a pail, because you're a filthy, horrible slut. 

He pushes off of you, pinching a dark nipple hard for good measure and says you're lucky he sticks around. 

You agree. 

-*-

After getting dressed, your presence is graced by none other than your cherry boy himself, and you pull your hood over your eyes further. 

He approaches you, lips digging into his lower lip. He's nervous about something, and you see the way his gaze lingers on the finger-shaped bruises on your neck and arms, on the trail of blood that resulted from a nosebleed. 

It's an eternity before he speaks, before he asks if you're alright. 

You don't say anything in return, because you're _not_ okay, but you've gotten good at playing pretend. 

He just looks sad as he stares up at you, and you wonder if you can tell him how painfully red you've waxed for him, how much you want him---

He tells you, all in one breath, that he's got a matesprit now. 

Your stomach bottoms out. 

He continues when you don't reply, obviously nervous, that he thought he should tell you, because you were such good _friends_ and that you should probably know it's your ex, too---

You can't help but laugh, a rough, bitter, grating laugh. He looks startled. 

So, your ex's started dating trolls again, you whisper, grinning horribly at him. 

He swallows thickly and nods. Don't be mad, I'm sorry---

You shake your head and turn away from him. You hold your breath and count the number of beats it takes for him to leave. 

Too many. 

-*-

You took a page out candy boy's book; you loathe yourself so much. 

You hate yourself more than _him_ , and that says something. 

-*-

You easily slip the noose around your throat, hiccuping quietly. 

You think it's funny, how long it's taken you to do this. 

You've found an empty block, which is nothing short of a miracle. After drunkenly affixing the rope to the ceiling, you stood on your chair and preparing to kick it aside. 

Time to end the mistake that is your life.

You smile serenely, closing your eyes. You hum an old song, lifting one leg. 

Your eyes snap open as the door to the block opens, and you stumble off the chair. 

Someone screams, and you see your candy boy running towards you before you

**Author's Note:**

> i like writing gamrezi sorry bye


End file.
